Questions about God and Me

In his book Holy Runaways, Matthias Roberts wrote: “Spiritual trauma is someone handing you an inner critic and telling you it is the voice of God.”

As I write this blog post, I am contemplating what I see when I think of “God.”  Is God male or female?  Authoritative or relational?  Stern or loving?  Approachable or dogmatic?  Has my view of God been shaped by my parents, teachers and church leaders?  Does my view of God define who I am and how I relate to others?  Do these ideas make me uncomfortable?   

Growing up, I often heard the phrase, “if God is for us who can be against us?”  But who is God “for?”  Is God only “for” people who believe as I do?  Have I created a God in my own image?  Have I shackled God with my own opinions and inclinations?  Do I believe I have a secret truth that others don’t have and that most people are just plain wrong?   Have I used my view of God to divide the world into “us” and “them?”  Do I own all the moral high-ground?  Am I justified when I look at others as being the real sinners or villains? 

Am I tempted to impose my view of God, morality and religion on others?  Do I sense that the world can only become “better” if others believe as I do?  Have I concluded that, if people do not convert to my way of thinking, I will be persecuted or God will punish us or cease to bless our country?   Do I fear that those who believe differently are keeping us from becoming a “holy nation?”  Have I concluded that God allows natural disasters or acts of human violence to appease His wrath and administer his justice? 

I am learning that I have been guilty of judging and shaming others when they believe something different from me.  I see it as my calling to learn how to love those who view the world differently.  I am learning how to find the best in others.  I am accepting that some broken people may have never received love or been accepted as valuable.  Although I will never condone evil behavior, I am learning to develop empathy for myself and others. 

I am also learning to trust my own heart, understanding that I too am broken, but accepting that my brokenness has brought insight.  I am consciously rejecting the idea that I must become less than my true self in order to be holy and acceptable to God and others.  I am learning to view shame as toxic, and loving acceptance as healthy for myself and others.  I am learning to recognize signs of abuse and manipulation and I am holding myself accountable never to exhibit these to others.  I am learning to distinguish what is truly safe and what is truly dangerous (even if many of us have confused these two ideas). 

We can create safe places where everyone feels safe and welcomed just as they authentically are. We can share the boundless and unconditional love of God flowing through us to one another. In such spaces and relationships, there are no victims or villains, only people loving people.  What a wonderful world that would be!

[I want to thank my husband Tracy for helping write this article. I also apologize for the delay in posting due to a busy season with work, doing taxes, and just life. If you enjoy this blog and would like to help spread the truth that everyone is loved and enough just as they are, please consider sharing Awakened2Love with the ones you love.]