Living with Depression

A Life That's Nothing Short of Brave

I have encountered many people suffering with depression in my job as a clinical social worker and in my personal relationships with family and friends. One person shared the following thoughts that he has experienced: “Everything seems hopeless; no one understands; I’m not worthy; I’m all alone in this; I’m not able to connect with what is real (successes, support, etc.).”

A person living with depression needs an open door, a listening ear and empathy in his own timing, not yours.  He does not need (and may be harmed by) your judgment or your attempts to fix him.  For example, if he tells you he feels alone, don’t try to correct him by saying he isn’t alone.  Tell him you’ve heard what he is telling you; you are sorry he feels that way; and you are here for him if and when he needs you.  Let him know – if he decides he wants your help or the help of someone else – you will be happy to assist but that you will do so only when he needs it. 

Don’t keep repeating your concerns that he is depressed.  Unless there are imminent signs of danger (described below), don’t apply ongoing pressure for him to seek help.  Your attempts to help may actually cause him more distress.  He may be struggling with feelings of inadequacy or hopelessness and your attempts to help may feel more like judgment and may merely echo the negative self talk that is contributing to his depression.  Simply open the door and wait for him to walk through it.

If he walks through the door and expresses on his own that he might be depressed, he may want to ask himself these questions:

• Do I feel sad, hopeless, empty or irritable most of the time?

• Do I have significantly less interest or pleasure in doing most things?

• Have I unintentionally gained or lost weight, or had a decreased or increased appetite?

• Am I having difficulty sleeping or am I sleeping too much most days/nights?

• Am I moving and thinking more slowly, or do I feel restless inside?

• Have I lost my ability to concentrate or make decisions?

• Do I feel worthless or excessively guilty?

If he answers “yes” to most of these questions, he may want to speak to a doctor and/or counselor.

If he expresses pervasive thoughts of death and suicide (with or without a plan or intent), please encourage him to call the 988 crisis and suicide lifeline.

Here are common warning signs of suicide or suicidal thoughts:

• Feeling trapped or hopeless.

• Withdrawing from social contact and wanting to be left alone.

• Having mood swings ranging from an emotional high to discouragement to irritability.

• Changing the normal routine, including eating or sleeping patterns.

• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.

• Talking or thinking about suicide (i.e., statements such as "I'm going to kill myself," "I wish I were dead" or "I wish I hadn't been born").

• Getting the means to attempt suicide, such as buying a gun or stockpiling pills.

         

Take all signs of suicidal behavior seriously and take action if needed.  Make sure someone stays with him at all times.   Make sure he is as safe as possible by removing firearms and medicines, or anything he may be planning to use.   If there is imminent danger reach out for help by taking one of the following actions:

• Encourage him to reach out to his doctor or counselor.

• Encourage him to call 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

• Call 911 or your local emergency number

  From “Depression: Supporting a family member or friend” -Mayo Clinic.

Someone who lives with depression deserves our love and respect.  He chooses every day to defy the negative feelings, get out of bed, continuing breathing and putting one foot in front of the other.  His every day existence shows bravery in the face of fear and doubt.  The best and most important way that we can show our respect is to listen and understand him, without judging or minimizing his experience.

I will leave you with this song written by my dear husband Tracy regarding his struggle with depression and anxiety: