Humbly Deconstructing

As we approach the holiday season, I would like to share some thoughts about the humility displayed in the Christmas story. Christmas is not the only holiday that people celebrate this time of year, but it is the tradition that my family and I celebrate. I wish you and yours a lovely holiday season as you honor your own traditions.

The Christmas story I learned from the Bible centers around a baby born in a manger because there was no vacancy at the inn. Do you think this happened by accident? Do you think the owners of the inn were cruel and ruined Mary’s birth plan? Or does this humble birth track with the kind of person that Jesus was and is? Let’s take a broader look at Jesus’ life and some statements that were credited to him.

Jesus washed the feet of his friends(John 13). Jesus ate with sinners and touched outcasts. Jesus lived a simple life of a homeless vagrant and focused on helping and healing others. Jesus taught that the last shall be first and the first shall be last(Matthew 20:16). He said “If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”(Mark 9:35)

Jesus said “whoever will humble himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:4)

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”(Matthew 11:29)

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus…being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death: death on a cross.”(Phillipians 2:3-5,8)

“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” (Colossians 3:12)

Humility is not self-deprecation. Humility is knowing your worth but also knowing that you are no better than any other human being on this planet. Humility is admitting when you're wrong, being modest and giving credit where credit is due. Humility is putting the needs of other people first. Humility is a loving God who humbled himself to be born as a human baby in an animal feeding trough. I don’t believe this happened by chance because Mary and Joseph arrived in Bethlehem too late and didn’t have a hotel reservation. I believe it happened this way to show that Jesus is not your average king or god. His humility is unique. Jesus is not a God who demands us to bow down and obey him or he will burn us to death. I cringe every time I see a billboard or church sign that says something like “Obey Jesus or Hell”. Jesus wants us to choose to love him and love others but not out of a fear of punishment if we don’t.

Psychologist Daryl Van Tongeren said that relationships thrive on a bedrock of humility. (on the Hidden Brain podcast episode, “The Cure for Self-Importance”) He also said that people are more willing to work for humble leaders, and if leaders are humble, it spreads to the workers (or citizens) in a sort of social contagion. Unfortunately, we now live in a society that rewards certainty and arrogance and an unwillingness to interact with people who are different from us. But is this working well for us as a society?

Amidst the holiday hustle, I encourage you to pause and evaluate your own humility. Ask yourself these questions: Am I able to humbly listen to another person and acknowledge that their intellect or perspective is equal to or better than my own? Am I able to accept feedback, change course and seek forgiveness when appropriate? Am I able to recognize and accept another person’s reality if it doesn’t align with what I believe is real and true? We need to spread humility to change the social climate. We need to practice cultural humility, to not view our own way of life as superior, to engage different people with curiosity and respect, to view cultural diversity as a strength rather than a threat. Whether or not we believe in the baby born in a manger, let us humbly try to love every human and build a better world.

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Before you go, I would like to share some lyrics from a song from Wicked. I have been going through a process of deconstructing many beliefs, ideas and perspectives that I once thought were true and real. These words seem to be describing the feeling of letting go of old beliefs and learning to fly free.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes, and leap

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love, I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down [Elphaba in Wicked, Defying Gravity]