Can We Talk?

Conversation Starters

I wonder if you would allow me to ask a few questions to start a conversation or at least some self-reflection. Feel free to share or use these questions among your friends or family or neighbors or coworkers. First, I want to say that I do not want to fight with you or to stir up more conflict among us. Lord knows we have plenty of that to go around. My hope is to open respectful dialogue that might allow us to understand each other better and find ways to move forward in relationship with one another.

Our national and global sociopolitical climate has been getting hotter and more stormy, which seems to be impacting most of us negatively where we live in our personal interactions with people around us. Sometimes we say or do things that may be out of character for us, or we may find that those on “our side” are engaging in behavior that we are not on board with. Others of us choose to remain neutral and silent, hoping the storm will pass and leave us unscathed. Our natural human inclination is to judge and criticize others when we don’t agree with their words or actions, without knowing or understanding their hearts or intentions. We also tend to group people together and assign the same beliefs or characteristics to all. So, my goal and hope is to help us get to know one another’s hearts and find middle ground where we can walk forward together. I know I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. Won’t you join me in this endeavor?

Question 1: Do you love your family—your parents, your spouse, your kids, siblings, cousins, grandparents, etc.? So do I!

Question 2: Do you always get along with your family and agree with everything they do? No? Neither do I.

Question 3: Do you still love and talk to your family when there is conflict or difficult times? Most of us do, right? Sometimes we take breaks from talking or may even cut ties completely due to unhealthy or traumatic situations. But my guess is that the majority of us are able to remain in relationship with each other no matter what. That’s love and commitment.

Question 4: Would you let an outsider break your relationship with your family members? Would you believe a stranger or an acquaintance over your own family if they told you that your family members weren’t worthy of your love or trust? Probably not, right? What if they told you the same thing over and over until it felt true? What if they were in a position of authority, like a minister/priest, an officer of the law, or a government leader? Would you believe them then and turn against your family?

Question 5: Who else do you love? Do you love your friends, your neighbors, colleagues at work, your favorite athletes, actors or musicians? Do you always feel warm and loving thoughts toward them? Do you tolerate different views and behaviors than your own?

OK, I know I’ve asked more than five questions so I’m going to stop with the numbering. How are we doing so far? Are we good? Can we switch gears a little?

Who or what do you hate? Who or what do you fear? Why do you hate or fear that person, group or thing? Is it because of something that happened to you personally, something that happened to someone you love, or something that you heard about? Do you feel like you can never forgive that person or group for what they have done or what you believe they have done? Do you feel unsafe with them around?

Would you ever consider actually hurting someone who you hate or disagree with? Is violence or bullying ever ok? Is name calling ok? Is it ok if a person in uniform hurts or kills someone? Under what circumstances? Conversely, is it ok for anyone to hurt or kill an officer in uniform or any other person who is doing their job? If so, under what circumstances?

I think I have given us enough to ponder and discuss for now. Maybe this will inspire other questions or thoughts. I would love to talk with you if you want to comment below or connect with me one-on-one. More importantly, I encourage you to talk to the people in your life who you may feel disconnected from or who you would like to know and understand better. Use your judgment and be safe and cautious if things are particularly volatile. It may be wise to have a conversation in a public setting and have another trusted person nearby to help if you get into trouble. Good luck and Godspeed!

I will close with a few quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.: “People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they have not communicated with each other.”

“All my adult life I have deplored violence and war as instruments for achieving solutions to mankind’s problems. I am firmly committed to the creative power of nonviolence as the force which is capable of winning lasting and meaningful brotherhood and peace.”

“Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time: the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence. Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.”